You leave cinema at 6 am on Saturday morning. Inspired by a wonderful film "Knocking on Heaven's door" you realise that everything you made up before that - all the logical shields that you used are bullshit.
All the strength you input into not thinking about him is vanished after watching this film. Because strength and action should always go into fullfilling all that good that there is in your heart. And if you like someone - isn't that good?
But you remember that this is against all logic and just wrong. And probably you just made everything up and this is nothing but a spring fantasy. You know nothing about him and this might be all an illusion and the best way is just to forget and not act on it. You used to like his friend. Your friend used to like him. He's much older. He's Martian. He's an unknown variable in your equation of life. there is just no future with and to be honest no present.
But then you go underground to Lubyanka station where just 2 weeks ago a major explosion killed 40 people. And you think - what if you died - right here, right now. And if he knew - that would be nice for him to know, even if he is a selfish bastard, that you died with your heart warmed by by this spring love fantasy and his talent.
And when you go outside of undeground - to spring sun - you realise that the only way of living life is actually living it.
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